On the free, 72oz steak challenge

Dear. Mr. Supposed Philosopher:

{ Audio .mp3 this essay @ 2MB for 2.5minutes } I read about a place in Amarillo that will give you a free lunch, but only if you can consume a 72oz steak (along with all the fixins'). But I have heard it said, "there is no such thing as a free lunch." Given the existence of such a restaurant, what is your opinion on this saying now?

Signed,
Hungry for Advice


Dear Sir Chew-n-spew, it turns out I have indeed been to this place, and was going to take the challenge, for I had at one time eaten a 50z steak dinner with all the fixin's on a bet (while in the Military some years earlier at a Round-barn restaurant in Colorado.) After all, I reasoned, I work but a few *feet* from old highway Route 66, so what better proof of my established Okie nature than to rise to such a legendary culinary challenge!

However, it also turns out that the Amarillo establishment in question makes one sit at a special table up front for all to ogle, and I was too shy about risking my already shaky dignity. Nevertheless, to at least prove my worth to the waiter, I ordered two 25oz steaks, a bowling-ball sized potato, a robust dinner salad; and then, of course, a full desert. I ate it all. Agog, the waiter asked, "Why didn't you take the challenge?!" I told him, "I don't want to be the object of dinner theater."

The details of that night are still clearly etched in my mind. I still remember paying the in-house, dining-room traveling fiddle band to play "Red River Valley" in honor of my late maternal Grandfather who, it was once revealed to me, used to regularly hum that very tune to himself while castrating hogs.

My Amarillo adventure came about as a result of getting several hundred dollars and an overnight stay at a close proximity hotel for giving but ONE speech at a local Amarillo Church. So, in effect, I lived like a rich man for one day, and issued a proof-of-concept to a waiter, that I could indeed have eaten the 72oz steak. This wondrous event occurred back in the mid-1990s. It is said that God sometimes sends us showers of blessing, but on that particular trip, on that particular evening, the Lord almighty was clearly offering to do a four-and-a-half pound meat miracle thru me. Perhaps I impeded the kingdom just a little bit that day by not cooperating with His timely Amarillo grace.

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