How to Make It In Band Land

Scene: Dave's house in nowhere Oklahoma

Phone rings; Dave answers

* * *

Dave: Hello?

Voice: Is this The Rounders?

Dave: Uh, yes.

Voice: Hey, what's up?

Dave: Oh, not much how are you?

Voice: I'm good man, I'm good. Uh...my name is John and I have this business concept...a business concept for bands and I was wondering if you would hear me out on it.

Dave: (hesitating) Sure...

John: Okay, like, I've got this camera and I film bands. Then I put it up on YouTube with tag words like "music" and "gig" and "Rounders" and...uh...are you rock?

Dave: What?

John: Are you guys rock or like...country.

Dave: Well, John, we're not really a band anymore; we disbanded and...

John: Oh. You see I got your info off of OKC Live and...

Dave: Right, but we're no longer performing together...so you know...you really couldn't...film us...

John: But this idea is, like, for anybody who wants to get well known. Cause, like, radio charges like, thousands of dollars for every spot you....

Dave: I understand that, but the fact of the matter is that we don't play together anymore. We couldn't give you any content. And besides, it sounds as if you're asking for money for some service - which is fine - it's just that I couldn't make a decision like that on behalf of the other guys. Perhaps you should try a band that's a bit less...you know....moribund.

John: (huffily) Well, like I said this idea is for anybody who wants to get well known. But if you don't want to get well known, whatever. Sorry to, like, waste your time.

* * *

The phone clicks; he has hung up.

Dave sat quietly and looked out the window, ruminating on what had just occurred....

O.

REFERENCES

[image]stockPhoto

[1] Contributed by guest writer, Dave "The Beatnik" Spindle

The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."[1]

REFERENCES

[1] This thing has been going around since at least 2005, but I don't get out much so I thought I'd post it anyway. I saw it at Ebaum's world, where I was completely wasting time.

[image] Picture of Charles Longfellow in "History of the Japanese at Harvard" Harvard Gazette Archives Feb. 26, 2004 (Accessed 3/21/2008)

O.